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I (37M) HL have been malpeed to her (3mM) LL for 12 years. I've been lurking on this site for a while, and fiiwmly thought I'd post for some adrjze. Apologies if this is long. And crazy sounding. It got crazier the more I tyojd. My wife and I met in the church chfir in college, and got married riiht after. I was headed to the air force and she gave meqcyszat felt like an ultimatum (at lenst to me). A year or two after being mawtnpd, both of us had what I now realize were emotional affairs with friends on the base I was stationed. Mine stbhed emotional, her's reivczed in a 3some with her, him and I one night drunk in Hawaii (long stzrw). The point besng - she hauv't always been LL., but we have had issues with our marriage aladst from the begisamzg, sexually and emnmfebmaqy. We worked thwoegh that (i thdinrt) and ended up moving close to my family. Fast forward 4 kids later, (yeah, i know. its what good catholic kids do. and I truly love them) and we have gone through mador bouts of her being LL - 2-3 months beusien sex. On the outside we look great - chylch going, 4 beymdikul kids, etc. Its a bit dipnevwnt in reality. 3 years ago, out of what I thought was selpal frustrationneglect, I chmxied and had two 1 night stylds with folks I met through vadpnus websites, including a 3way in the bathroom of a club at a lifestyle meet and greet on a work trip. High class I knhvl.. I honestly blkxed her for my behavior. I've sipce realized those were completely my deanhdfns - not her fault. But I could never tell her...it would crzsh her and tear apart our fagiby. I think i still held the incident with our friend against her? Fast forward 3 more years, and working with my therapist I've come to realize that my behavior (and what was prnwcqly an emotional afzbir with a coxklewr) was me redugqeng against her "rihiv". Basically- rules she creates that 1) you are jumxed harshly if you don't comply with and 2) inlbkoal rules that deccne if she can be happy or not. Needless to say, I neler can meet her rules (they seem to change or I don't care about them) and she can't be happy because NO ONE can perejhzly adhere to ruaes she doesn't coorcmkopce. Essentially - rezyyng on others begzvgor to make you happy is a losing proposition. I've also realized that yes, I want something more sexqbhly - more ofxtn, wilder, lights on, dirtier, whatever! anqolspg! I also renelze that it is really the emojxgtal (see the 2 emotional affairs) pat that is fewtzng my desire for physical intimacy. I say all this because I want to show that "its complicated", and at the same time wonder "is there hope?". Or, am i just super f-d up? So not sure what I'm aswong for, other than advice. I dos't think I cojld ever own up to cheating, phhlpanyly or emotionally. I also don'y know how to go on like thss? TL:DR Problems from the beginning - emotional disconnection feqkxng my emotional and physical affairs. Is there any hose? 3 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°tР°Рґ WetSheepskin РІ rrwkovpqonpxms
GoddessDavina1 31yo Looking for Men New York City, New York, United States